Mentoring an Ambassador League Agent

The following information comes from the National Mentoring Partership's website, www.mentoring.org. While their programs pertain to all sorts of mentoring, we included much of their 'Mentoring Orientation' anyway, so some of the following will not pertain to your particular situation.

We hope this information helps you to develop a strong mentoring relationship with your Ambassador League Agent.

What is Mentoring?

A mentor is an adult who, along with parents, provides young people with support, counsel, friendship, reinforcement and a constructive example. Mentors are good listeners, people who care, people who want to help young people bring out strengths that are already there.

A mentoring relationship can take many forms. In the best relationships, the adult helps the youth define and achieve his/her goals.

Qualities of Successful Mentors

It is important to understand that you don't have to be brilliant or perfect to be a good mentor! If you want to be a mentor, and care enough to do it right, here is what we know about successful mentors. While the specifics of each mentoring relationship may vary, the qualities of an effective mentor remain the same.

A Sincere Desire To Be Involved With A Young Person - Mentors have a genuine desire to be part of other people's lives, to help them pursue their interests, achieve their goals, and handle tough decisions. They have to be invested in the mentoring long enough to make a difference.

Respect For Young People - Mentors should not have preconceived notions that youth need to be "rescued". Mentors who convey a sense of respect and equal dignity in the relationship win the trust of their partners, and the privilege of being advisors to them.

An Ability to Listen Actively - It is relatively easy to give advice or express opinions. It's much harder to find someone who will suspend his or her own judgment and really listen. Mentors often help simply by listening, asking thoughtful questions, and giving participants an opportunity to explore their own thoughts with a minimum of interference. When people feel accepted, they are more likely to ask for and respond to good ideas.

Empathize - Empathy is the ability to understand, at a very deep level, what another person is going through- even without having had the same life experiences. It is very different from sympathy, which is sharing sad feelings. Of course you won't always understand completely what your mentee is going through - that's natural. The ability to empathize and the willingness to try to understand are the keys. Effective mentors empathize effectively - they can understand what a mentee is going through, without becoming caught up in the problem themselves.

See Solutions And Opportunities - Good mentors balance a realistic respect for the real and serious problems faced by their mentees with optimism about finding equally realistic solutions. They are able to make sense of a seeming jumble of issues and point out sensible alternatives.

Flexibility And Openness - Good mentors recognize that relationships take time to develop and that communication is a two-way street. They are willing to take time to get to know their mentees, to learn new things that are important to their partners (music, styles, and philosophies), and even to be changed by their relationship.

What Young People Want From A Mentor

When asked, young people invariably say that they want a mentor to help in three key areas:

Advice - As a mentor, you bring a wide range of life experiences to the relationship. As a result, you can be a great source of advice and information. From time to time your mentee may need a second opinion, or a different perspective that you can provide. Help your mentee gain a new perspective by sharing your experiences. What did you do in a similar situation? How did it work out? Be willing to share, but check to make sure your mentee is interested first!

Remember that you and your mentee are different people. Your mentee will have his/her own values, which may be very different from yours and may lead them to very different ideas about what to do. Your role is to offer insight, advice and suggestions. It is your mentee's role to evaluate the options, consider what you have said, and then make the best decision.

Access - One of the most valuable things you can do for your mentee is to help open doors. That's what access is all about -- helping your mentee find and get involved in new situations.

You can help your mentee find people, opportunities and information that he/she might not have found on his/her own. You can take your mentee to new places, introduce them to new people and help him/her learn about resources that will help reach his/her goals.

Improved access to resources is one of the most valuable benefits you can give to your mentee!

Advocacy - Have you ever had someone stand up for you when you needed it? Or speak on our behalf? That's what advocacy is all about.

If your mentee needs a job reference or a college recommendation, you can be a big help!

But remember -- in order to be an effective advocate, you have to really get to know your mentee. You will have to create opportunities to get to know your mentee as a person. The more you learn about your mentee, the stronger an advocate you can be!

Be sure to talk with your mentee to find out what he/she wants from you.

Common Concerns

Still have some concerns about becoming a mentor? Lots of very successful mentor's had concerns before they got started, too! We have compiled a list of the most common concerns and asked experienced mentors how they would respond to them.

What if ...

What if something really serious comes up? - While most mentoring relationships develop and flourish without serious problems, things do happen. Mentors have an important role, but that role does not include medical or psychological treatment, or family counseling. There are support systems in place for real emergencies. The most a mentor is expected to do -- and should do -- is to help guide a young person to the appropriate source of professional help.

What if I do something wrong? - If you are there for your young friend no matter what; if you listen and really hear what's being said; and if you do your best to counsel and not to judge, you will have done everything right. Some young people are readier than others for a mentor. Some may test a mentor's commitment. Try not to take such behavior personally. Just keep trying your best and keep doing the right things. Gauge your success by your actions, not your mentee's.

Tips For Success

Now that you know what is expected of you, here are some Do's and Don'ts that you should remember.

Do's:

Don'ts:

Appreciate any signs of growth Listen carefully to what your mentee says Ask good questions Share your thoughts and feelings with your mentee Remember to be on time Try your best to be a good role model Learn any special rules that are part of your program Be interested in your mentee Show that you recognize the mentee's values and lifestyle Strive for mutual respect Be honest

Think you are going to change the world overnight Jump to conclusions Be judgmental Forget communication means listening, too Forget how important you are to your mentee Use poor language Get talked into things that you know are against program rules Try to be a parent Try to inflict your beliefs or values on a mentee; rather, demonstrate your values Settle for rudeness or foul language Think kids can't spot insincerity

Can You Commit?

You now have a good idea of the qualities and characteristics required to be a great mentor. The final ingredient is commitment.

As we have discussed, there are significant considerations in developing a mentoring relationship. Helping a youth develop and grow brings tremendous rewards, but it doesn't happen overnight.

Before you decide to pursue a mentoring relationship, you should ensure that you can commit at least six months to the relationship. How often you meet with your mentee varies from program to program and pair to pair: once every week or biweekly is not uncommon. Be sure to find out about any program requirements and explore your and your mentee's preferred schedule.

Source: The National Mentoring Partership website, www.mentoring.org.

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